Category: Dating and Relationships
Well I think the subject title says it all, but I shall ilaborate a bit. So often on the internet one comes across people who claim to be a couple, who profess their undying love for one another, even say they are “dating”, in fact I even know of one couple who got engaged, when, in actual fact, they have never met in person. This always intreagues me, and many a discussion has taken place about this very subject on here. Now I know that it Is possible to have very strong feelings for someone who you meet on the internet, and to be very intensely attracted to that person’s personality, and of course, as a result of that attraction, you feel the urge to be with that person physically as well. I also know that as a result of that attraction, you feel the need to be loyal to that person and perhaps not become involved with anyone else until you and that person have established a relationship, or not, as may be the case. and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but how can people claim to be going out when they've never met? And I’m by no means saying that you can’t have a relationship with someone you’ve met on the internet, after all, the internet Is just a medium for meeting new people, some you will forge friendships with, some not, and maybe one or two you may have a relationship with. But the whole dating before you’ve even met just doesn’t make sense to me. After all, you can never be 100% sure of someone until you’ve met in person, in my view.. any thoughts? Did you have an internet relationship and he/she turned out to be completely different person off line to online? Or did you meet and there was something just not there? Or did you meet and it was as magical in person as you’d imagined it to be when you were together online/on the phone. Or do you agree with my view that you can never really know until you’ve met.
I agree 100% with your post on this matter, Sugar Baby. Sure, I have some great friends that I have met on the Internet. There's no doubt that some of these people have made, and continue to make, a great difference in my life. Through daily correspondence, you can come to know a great deal about someone and to respect and rely on their views, advice, or just plain fun conversation. But, in my view, the notion of being in love with someone you have never met is completely absurd and impossible. This comes from someone who met his girlfriend via the Internet. Sure, we knew something could potentially happen after our net and phone conversations. Sure, we were friends before we met. But it is not possible to be in love with someone that one has never met. Sure, infatuation can occur, and fantasy can occur about the wonderful person that the conversationalist surely must e. But a relationship, dating, love, going out, whatever you want to call it? Definitely not.
So far I have met some incredibly messed up people on the net, whom I would refuse to help, if they were bleeding to death in my presence...the people who have stood by me and showed true support, I have been impressed by to no end, and they are friends, but I could count them on 1 hand...And no I would NOT have a relationship with someone who hides behind a pc why!? Are they too afraid to meet their love face 2 face...
Hmm Goblin, maybe the little fact of a few hundred miles or more would have something to do with it?... Maybe?...
I do agree with you to a great extent SB. but more and more I'm agreeing with your way of thinking with this. It's hard. sometimes chemistry can really be there, especially now there's voicechat progs like skype and course phone where you can get a good idea of what they're like. but you're right, physically you don't know them from a bar of soap and anything can be a fallback with the person, hhygene eg.
I agree with everyone's posts so far: You can have a crush or really get used to hearing from and like the person your chatting/emailing with, but to me I could never have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with someone I've never personally met face-to-face. For one thing, all I would have to go on is what he'd tell me, and another is that I wouldn't hardly know a thing about how he acts around other people.
Leilani
as we have air travel that is not a valid excuse they are quite possibly 1 of the chatting up inept...
well it's true that we have the means to meet in person, and for a lot of those conducting syber relationships, that is ultimately the intention, after all, there wouldn't be much point otherwise would there, but it's the initial bit, before they meet up, and after all it isn't possible to just jump on a plane and meet everyone you're potentially attracted to online, that could have potential to be a very expensive business, lol
Its also the only way for those who are unacceptable to society to meet. Apart from paedophiles who are just vile..what does this imposed exclusion say about those "normal" members of society,who force many to look for love on websites..
I'd be interested to know whether this is more a blind thing. I know that sounds perhaps a little patronising, but I know a lot of people who have met on the internet, and who have, in fact, gone on to form successful relationships, but most never referred to the person they were talking to as a bf, or gf, until they actually met, whereas, in the online blind community this seems to be a lot more the case.
As it is impossible to tell if the person is being disengenious or honest, when they say I really like you ect.I think we prefer to meet to gauge the person's true character before committing ourselves to anything serious...that is why I would never take a risk on anyone via the net.
you stole the very thoughts from my mind claire! i was going to say that i think this seems to particularly happen in the blind world! frankly this is going to sound patronising but the only reason that i can atribute to this is that the vast majority of blind people have no mobility or confidence what so ever! the truth of the matter is that it is nice and simple for them to sit at a computer, never having to leave there homes, while at the same time kidding themselves that they do have a partner and are in love!
personally i find this very sad! that said if people are happy with these arangements then who am i to say its wrong? *shrugs*
well, I think there are some perfectly nice people on the net, as much as there are a lont of people I wouldn't want a relationship with, or want to make friends with, or no other reason that they perhaps just have nothing in common with me and vice versa. but that is equally the case in real life. Every day we encounter new people, and the vast majority of those pass through our life and we never see them again, and sometimes we meet someone who makes a lasting impression on our lives and they become a friend. And with the net that is equally the case. yes it is true that it is easier to hide behind a keyboard and come across as something you're not, but we have to have some faith in other people, after all, if one were to say, everyone on the internet is just untrustworty, or weird, or a nutcase, or .. whatever label you want to put on them, you are actually signing up to the same thing yourself, because if that's what you believe, then you have to be prepared for the fact that that's what other people might think you are as well.
Dan actually I think you make a very valid point, I wonder also therefore, if this kind of thing extends to people with other types of disability, who perhaps can't or won't leave their houses. ya know though, one could potentially utilise this need for a partner ... we could create virtual partners, just like the syber pets one could get a while back ... grin
yep I think Harp's point was quite valid, though be careful not to generalize too much! Look, ppl can do what they like, as long as they're happy and *do *not attempt to annoy me in the process, eg. trying to force their intentions on to me!
you can never be sure until you have met the person.. I'm all for having a relationship with someone I've met in person not online. How can you have strong feelings for someone you have never met. Online is just words , and dating is something you need to do in person .
when I originally posted this topic, I kinda thought that there would be some responses from people who were advocating such relationships, and saying how they were the best and worked out ... etc, and yet there hasn't been one. all the posts have said that people don't think it's love until you meet ..
hmmm SB, well I guess if you're really inlove ie. thinking that you're in love, it's hard to see and try and explain the other side, you know what I mean?
The only thing I can say about internet dating as such is that through another website I met someone who used to be a school friend and we spoke and mailed for sometime. We were not an item in either of our opinions however we were arare that we had strong feeling for one another and eventually spoke about them. fortunately as we still lived in the same country we were able to meet and things progressed. Had we perhaps not been living in the same country still we would not have met but then neither would we have declared ourselves in love or dating or whatever. I know of a couple who did get together online though and got engaged and lived together for a while. They were from different countries and both had visual impairments. I think their families had more issues with the situation than they did and due to circumstances beyond their control. After all relationships are about making connections with special people and connections can be made in lots of ways. they were not able to remain together at that point. so I guess if people are sensible and realistic about what they want and need from a relationship virtual or otherwise and both parties are happy with the situation as it stands that's cool.
Claire, I agree. I have had experiences in that, and I came to the point that meeting via the internet is ... not a sure love. But I think everybody has to make their experiences before they can judge this.
Well, not taking any stand on this other than to say that people can lie to your face just as easily as they can on the net. You may think you know a person, but some people are just good liars and others don't know themselves enough for you to know them. Some are just quaint for a period of time until something happens and they show their true colors.
Iammeworu, I totally agree with you. I got lied to and I now made my experience with that and never would do that again.
Hi,
Well actually I don't think there's an absolute right or wrong answer here. As for normal friendships, I can say that I've made some friends on the net and 1 or 2 of them have made a "definite" impact in my life.
As for falling in love over the net, well my last gf and I were together for 16 months. We met through the internet and we ended up living together and for various reasons our relationship was utterly destroyed. Some people on here know the ins and outs of this but i'm not going into it on open forum. But I think personally that it can work, if you play your cards right. When it comes to distants, a great deal of trust is needed, and actually the internet can help there if both parties have access to the net. Especially if you are in 2 different timezones where by others are living in the same house as you and then the person in question can call you on skype or any other internet telephone programme and you both can talk. Yes people can lie to you etc, but to be honest they can do that to your face. Like most VIP's, I can get alot through the voice of a person. The voice of a person can tell a great deal about them so as long as you can voice chat and keep that going, you can get to know that person as much as possible. Ok yes it is tru that there are certain things that you will never know unless you meet that person or spend time with them, but that really is all part of the adventure.
I met my boyfriend through some friends on the 'net, and we did tell people we were an item even before we met each other in person. We met one month after we "got together" and it was better than I could have hoped. Now it's been a little over two years, and I'm convinced now, more than ever, that everything happens for a reason. But, as countless people have already said, I think you can't truly establish a connection with the other person 'til you've met them face-to-face. Once you get to know their annoying little habits, the sound of their breathing, the way they walk ... OK, so it might sound cliche, but it is so true, that even though it's not a conscious thing, all those things make a huge difference in the relationship. In order to have bonding time, you need to be with the person for real, because how else can you get to know each other so intimately?
Yes I'd totally agree with that. I didn't say we were going out or anything until we met, I definitely made that distinction there.
I also think that for good or for worce, all things in life happen for a reason, some people are there to help you through a certain thing in your life, after that, perhaps they disappear, or because of the event you've been through you have a lasting friendship. Everything happens for a reason that much I'd take as certainty.
its much depends on that particular person personallity. there are people can easily said something which just want to jokes around or just want to try the feeling of playing other party's love, they are people who have sincere heart, but do not know how to love other, they are people who wants the feeling of love, but do not know how to gift back the same. don't easily fall in love with anyone if you are not sure whether he / she is serious or just want to play around with their own love and other people's love.
I totally agree with you, Season. It depends on the partner.
Ok
First of all, let me just say that I have dated a few guys off the net, some blind, some sighted, that for one reason or another didn't work out. Most likely because we didn't have a solid friendship to begin with and didn't have that mutual love and respect for each other.
Now, just let me say, that when I met Simon, we began developing that friendship,, and it's still going strong. I didn't find out until later that I had feelings for him, let alone that he had feelings for me. It was never discussed until we knew for a fact that there was a very strong connection between us, that I will not even begin to explain, because a lot of you wouldn't understand it!
The feelings are there, not because we're both blind, because without trying to sound snobbish, I could get a guy here in the states if that's what I really wanted. However, I am in love with Simon. I don't walk in to things with my whole heart if I don't believe in it.
i have however, felt I was in love, and been hurt by that, because either the guy doesn't feel the same for me, or he has feelings but wants something other than what I'm offering them and only wants to be a friend with binifits, or wants me for something phyysical, and less emotional lol.
So, I have met him, but i was scared to meet him at first. Not scared to meet him, because, I knew I could trust him, because I have known many people whom I can't trust, but then, I never felt quite as safe, orlike I could trust them, as I do Simon. I have never been able to let go totally and completely and not worry about being able to trust a man until now.
But I was scared, of what I was feeling, because I have never felt it before. Yes, every relationship is different, and every love is different, or atraction, whatever. But this was so different I was like, blown away by it, kind of overwhelmed by it at times. Now I know what it is, and I'm comfortable with it lol.
So, we met up, and we confirmed that what we felt was the real thing.
We've met two more times after that, and we are learning so much from this relationship. We're learning to be ok with the amount of time it's gonna take to get things sorted, because, well, we kinda have no choice in the matter, but we also realize that us being together, won't happen overnight, no matter how badly we want it!
We've learned to take things one step at a time, and talking about what we want, and things, without planning to much, but taking things as they come so as not to be too disappointed if and when things don't work out exactly as we planned.
I have learned that it's ok to love someone with my whole heart, and that I won't get hurt by that, because I also know without a doubt that he loves me as much. I have also learned that it is possible to be in love with your best friend, because he truly is my best friend, someone who knows me, almost better than I know myself. That's how close we are. There's nothing we can't and don't tell each other, and I can say for a fact, that I've never had that, and he tells me that he hasn't either.
Oh, let me also just say here, that I was very skeptical about meeting and dating someone online too, and vowed to myself that I would never ever do that! I thought it was a bit pathetic, and i too wondered how anyone could fall in love or have feelings for someone they didn't know, and well, guess what? All my skeptisism went out the window, because it happend to me.
Lisa
Wow, that's interesting. Well, I only had experience in dating a sighted guy off the net, and I never will do that again, that's for sure.
I find this a very interesting topic. First off, I think iammewhoru makes an excellent point. People lie, whether it is in person, on the net, on the phone, whatever, I also feel it is maybe a bit easier to try and establish trust in person, but I don'tt think online relationships are impossible. I mean maybe if it's solely kept online for a long period of time that would be unrealistic and unhealthy, but if it begins as a net/phone attraction like many of you said wit the intent to meet in the near future, I think it's not all that bad of a thing.
And most importantly I completely agree with Charis! When you find that special someone you know it, whether that happens in person or through the internet or whatever, you're heart knows it and the means by which you first met the person really don’t matter cause it is something very special and impossible to miss. <smile>
True, if you have the chance to meet one day.
In any relationship though it's important to have that comunication. If you don't have that whether it be online or in the same street it will fall apart. pure and simple.
<nods to Lord Voldemort> well said
I agree.
It really depends on the person and how mature one is.